Let Me Entertain Yuu
by PSQQA
Summary: Kanda wakes up and his Intuition tells him something bad is going to happen, it all goes downhill from there. In which Lavi sings, Kanda feels a headache coming on and the rest of the Order is criminally oblivious. Crack for your reading pleasure.


Hello to you all! I am here to present to you my very first published fanfic ever. It is the product of my brain trying to destress itself during the twenty minutes I had to cycle back and forth to school for my two week exam period. Thus, without further ado, the warnings.

Warning: Crack (with which come the subwarnings of plotlessness, OOCness and unlikely-to-ever-happenness)

A bit of swearing (That comes with having a bad day)

Some mildly suggestive lyrics (Lavi has a, shall we say, _interesting_ choice in music).

Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man, I do not own any of the characters from D. Gray-Man and I do not own any of the lyrics/music/songs that appear in this story (well, I do own them on CD, but that's not really what they mean).

Enjoy (or, alternatively, don't hurt me)!

Let Me Entertain Yuu

If there was one skill Kanda Yuu had honed to a level of expertise even higher than that of his katana wielding, it was his Intuition. At this moment his Intuition was telling him, through the vague haze that accompanied the process of waking up, that something truly unpleasant was going to happen today. Along with this Intuitive skills (which, although brilliant, were unfortunately limited to "bad things likely to happen to me"), he was particularly good at identifying that which was most likely to ruin his day. Thus, aware that at some point today (just like, let's be honest here, most other days), something or other was going to put, and keep, him in a terribly foul mood, he immediately set to work at figuring out what this impending something or other would be. If there was one thing Kanda truly hated it was being unprepared.

It had been merely days since the Order had been thrown into disarray by the Disruption to the Move (as the whole Zombie Affair was now, rather euphemistically, referred to) and the Order was understandably rattled by the whole thing. Due to the dismayingly long list of things that now had to be done before the Order could function regularly once more (they had been set back quite a few days by the Disruption), priorities had had to be set. Fortunately for Kanda, retrieving his Innocence from the mass of boxes belonging to the Science Department had been made one of them (somehow Mugen had been packed along with the other Science Department's things before Kanda had been able to pick it up. He had been most displeased). Unfortunately, as the annoying voice in the back of his mind that sounded suspiciously like that damned Lavi reminded him, it had not been of the utmost urgency and had therefore not yet been found (Kanda had, once again, been most displeased).

This line of thought made Kanda aware of yet another wretched fact: that whatever likely misery was coming his way today would not be able to be faced with the comforting feeling of unleashable wrath that Mugen provided him. He groaned, because that had just eliminated the possibility of both Akuma and Noah attacks on his person, which meant that whatever doom was laid out for him today would involve something (or most probably some_one_) Order related, and that was infinitely worse.

Ever since the Disruption to the Move, the Order had been, besides incredibly busy, surrounded by a rather odd mood. The mood dictated that everyone was to go about their business in a suspiciously normal (and therefore pretentiously cheerful) manner and not truly discuss what had happened, despite the fact that no one had the energy to keep up the act. The entire Order had therefore fallen into a morose and awkward silence.

There were a few exceptions to this rule, most of them within the group of exorcists, who were, at the moment, the only people within the Order who were not functioning through a haze of exhaustion (they were meant to be recovering and training, but due to the general lack of previous recovery and Innocence they were doing more recovering than training). Kanda was, naturally, one of them. The distinct aura of barely suppressed rage and irritation that surrounded him was still there, no "odd mood" was going to change that (as stated earlier, his Intuition rather lacked in the "other people" department). However, Kanda severely doubted that he himself was going to be the wave of calamity wreaking havoc upon his day, so he pushed himself from his mind swiftly. After quickly eliminating several other possibilities, including Komui (too busy, for once), Allen (too busy being stalked by whatever the hell that blonde freak's name was) and Lenalee (no, just…no), he was left with but one serious contender, although he desperately tried to come up with another one. He couldn't. He was left with a prospect almost too horrific to consider.

If there was one person who knew how to drive Kanda even farther over the edge than he already was, it was Lavi. It was like the guy had made it his personal mission to discover exactly what annoyed Kanda the most and make use of that every second he spent in Kanda's company. Lavi also just happened to be the greatest exception to the Order's "odd mood." He went about the place his usual, cheery self, getting on people's nerves whilst simultaneously making them feel a whole lot better than they had for the past few days. There were many things that could ruin Kanda's day, but a day ruined by Lavi was generally painfully memorable.

It was at that moment that Kanda began to curse his Intuition. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy come true. He had known that something was going to put him in a bad mood, but discovering just exactly what (or, more precisely, who) it was had merely quickened the process. He knew he couldn't go back to bed anymore (he damned the self-disciplinary training he had put himself through years ago that did not allow him to sleep past six am), so the best thing he could do was get up and train and attempt to avoid Lavi. It was disheartening to know he would fail. Lavi had the rather extraordinary gift of being exactly where you did not want him to be, exactly when you did not want to see him (which often meant that he wanted to see you, which was generally never a good sign). Thus it was that Kanda decided to get as many hours of physically and mentally exhausting training in before encountering Lavi, with the hope that it would leave him too drained to realize or care about what Lavi was doing to him (it wouldn't).

* * *

He should have known it wouldn't be that easy (in fact his Intuition did know; Kanda had simply been trying to ignore it). No sooner had he sneakily (yet with a well-practiced air of nonchalance) made his way into the corridor that was farthest removed from the Western side of the tower (in which the library, Bookman's room and the Science Department were all located) than a certain red-head came strolling into that very same corridor from the other side, while performing the rather ominous action of humming. Kanda blanched inwardly, willing as much murderous intent as was possible into his aura, hoping, praying (although he wasn't entirely sure to who) that Lavi's eye-patch would impair his peripheral vision enough that he would not notice Kanda and that even if he did, he would get the hint.

A second later the humming stopped and was replaced by an overjoyed "Yuu-chan!" Kanda flinched and raised his eyes to observe the current Bane of His Existence. Lavi was grinning like a madman (which Kanda strongly suspected he actually was), rushing towards Kanda with arms wide open and prepared to invade Kanda's personal space with a hug. Thankfully he noted the expression of absolute rage (and perhaps a dash of despair) and managed to restrain himself before crossing the Thirty Centimeter Line.

"Yuu-chan, I'm so glad I found you," said Lavi, falling in step behind Kanda, who was now debating whether the cons of deafness outweighed the benefits of not being able to hear Lavi anymore, "I've been meaning to tell you something."

_Don't ask what, don't ask what, don't ask what!_

"What?" asked Kanda, now hating himself just a little bit more.

"It's very important, Yuu-chan."

Kanda snorted, he doubted anything that prompted Lavi to continue calling him "Yuu-chan" was important.

Not a moment later, however, Lavi had grabbed his shoulder and spun Kanda around so that he was facing him. He found himself vaguely disturbed by the look of sincerity in Lavi's eye.

"Seriously, Yuu-chan, it could be life-altering."

Kanda stared at Lavi for a few moments, attempting to discern whether he was actually being serious or not. A thought suddenly occurred to him.

"Lavi," he said, pouring as much apathy as he could muster into his words, "it's six thirty in the morning."

Lavi blinked once, then said: "Yes, I know that."

"Why are you up at six thirty in the morning?"

Lavi broke out into an ear-to-ear grin once more. "_Because_, Yuu-chan, I had something I wanted to say to you."

At this point, despite his Intuition, despite his years of interaction with Lavi and Lavi's Insane Sadism and despite the voice in the back of his mind (the one that didn't sound like Lavi) screaming "He's lying, he's messing with you, get out while you still can, retreat, _retreat_!!" Kanda sighed, and said (proving that Intuition is useless unless you actually act upon it): "Go on then."

Lavi smiled for a split-second, then switched back on his serious expression and nodded gravely. He grabbed Kanda's shoulders, looked him in the eye and said: "You're plan failed, Yuu-chan."

Kanda immediately began to regret foregoing his apathy as a new wave of apprehension hit him.

"What plan?" he asked, with renewed apathy and skepticism.

Lavi rolled his eyes, as if to suggest that Kanda was swimming steadfastly in a certain river in Egypt.

"You _know_," he said, "the plan to get everyone to hate you."

Kanda raised an eyebrow while he considered what Lavi had said. As far as he knew, getting everyone to hate him had not been a plan, it had been a given. If it had not been a plan, how could it have failed?

"Lavi, I don't have a –"

"Seriously, Yuu-chan," interrupted Lavi, "you might think you have us all fooled, but really, I know how much you care, and so does the rest of the world."

Somewhere in the recesses his mind, Kanda knew that the words "the rest of the world," did not bode well at all for the direction of this conversation.

"What do you mean the rest –"

But Lavi had begun his speech, and he would not be interrupted.

"You must have traveled way more than I previously thought you had, Yuu-chan," he was saying, seemingly oblivious to Kanda's slightly incredulous stare, "more than me even. But what's _really_ impressive is that you left such a great impression on so many people, _and you haven't even realized it_."

Kanda knew at this point that any efforts put into shutting Lavi up would be futile, so instead he put all his energy into tuning Lavi out. That is, until something Lavi said caught his attention once more.

"What? What did you just say?"

Lavi gave him an exasperated look before replying, "As I was _saying_, Yuu-chan, you know you really shouldn't tune people out like that, you'll miss all the important parts."

Kanda, unaware that there were ever any "important parts" to Lavi's rants, rolled his eyes, but listened.

"Anyway," continued Lavi, "I was saying that Panda has recently been making me study popular world music and I discovered that you pop up, no pun intended, everywhere! People really seem to like you, Yuu-chan."

Kanda, who found this ridiculously unlikely, answered: "So? What do I care?"

This time Lavi rolled his eyes. "_Well_, as I was saying, you seem to be completely unaware of how much people seem to appreciate you, so today I want to help you realize this."

Kanda felt a shiver of dread run down his spine. He did not like where this was going, he did not like where this was going at all. He squinted at Lavi, attempting to transform the look of alarm in his eyes into a murderous glare. "How exactly do you plan on achieving this?"

"Well, Yuu-chan," stated Lavi, putting his hands on his hips and looking rather proud of himself, "today I'm going to sing for you!"

* * *

That bloody schemer! Every single damned bit of it had been part of some nefarious plan; everything from the heartfelt look (an act), to Bookman teaching him about music (lies), to Kanda leaving impressions on people (all lies!).

Kanda knew now what Lavi had meant when he said that all these songs mentioned him. He also knew that none of these songs were expressing anything remotely resembling appreciation of him.

Lavi had now been singing for a full twelve minutes and already Kanda was dangerously close to wringing his neck. When Lavi had broken out into song (much to Kanda's horror), Kanda could only wonder whether the chosen song was meant to be some kind of joke. _"Well, It's been a long time, long time now, since I've seen Yuu smile,"_ is what Lavi had sung all the way from Kanda's room to the ground floor. That had been followed by some wailing horror, of which all he could remember was Lavi crooning _"And I will always love Yuu"_ over and over again until it had finally stopped and Kanda had had the audacity to hope it might end there.

It hadn't.

Momentarily he was in the cafeteria, attempting to ignore the stares he was receiving as Lavi began his next song.

"_We've come a long, long way together, through the hard times and the good. I have to celebrate Yuu baby, I have to praise Yuu like I should."_

Kanda could feel a twitch developing around his right eye. Why the hell was Jeryy taking so long with his food? The longer he had to wait for his food, the longer it would take for him to get out of here and lead Lavi into some derelict corridor and _murder_ him in the most _torturously painful_ method he could fathom.

"_I have to praise Yuu, I have to praise Yuu, I have to praise Yuu like I should."_

Finally Jeryy managed to bring him his food, failing completely to hide his immense amusement at Kanda's fate. Kanda growled and glowered in response and made his way to the darkest, most distant and abandoned corner of the cafeteria, in the hope that this way most people wouldn't hear Lavi's singing, and sat down. Lavi had, however, begun a new song…at a higher volume. It had just reached it's chorus (_"'Cause I like Yuu, yeah I like Yuu and I'm feeling so bohemian like Yuu"_) when Lenalee and Allen, who, Kanda realized at that moment, were in each other's company an awful lot lately, entered the cafeteria. Lavi, spotting them too, immediately began to sing even louder.

"_I'm getting wise and I'm feeling so bohemian like Yuu. It's Yuu that I want, so please. Just a casual, casual easy thing…"_

Immediately their heads swiveled round and spotted Lavi and Kanda in their corner, Lavi waving his arms and singing at the top of his voice and Kanda looking as if he was about to bash his head into the table repeatedly. By the time they had procured their food and made their way to the table Kanda was scarfing down his food at a pace that astounded even Allen and Lavi was in the middle of a new song.

"_I would stop time to stay with Yuu, I would stop time so we don't move. I would stop time, I would stop time, I would stop time to keep Yuu here by my side in the summer, our last summer…"_

Kanda finished his food, granting Allen the opportunity to ask: "Um…why is Lavi singing songs about you, Kanda?"

Kanda glared at him, stood up and walked away, leaving his empty dishes behind. Allen and Lenalee watched Lavi stand up, grab Kanda's abandoned dishes, and follow him out of the cafeteria, singing all the while.

"_So many voices, but nothing is there but the ghost of Yuu asking me why, why did I leave?"_

Once Lavi's voice had faded away (which, given the volume of the cafeteria, took a surprising amount of time), Lenalee and Allen looked at each other and silently agreed that if Kanda wasn't going to tell, they probably didn't want to know. Then they grinned. They would sure as hell be amused by it though.

* * *

The whole point of meditation, Kanda knew, was that it was done in absolute silence, so that you could clear your mind. Kanda was trying very hard to clear his mind of all the agony that had been inflicted upon him that day, the problem was that said agony was still in the process of being inflicted. Lavi was sitting right behind him, singing softly in his ear (a rather disturbing fact that added to the difficulty Kanda was having with his meditation).

"_Why is it so that this longing for Yuu follows wherever I go? In the roaring traffic's boom, in the silence of my lonely room, I think of Yuu, night and day."_

Vaguely Kanda wondered (having given up all but the pretense of meditation) why no one could write a song about another person that did not, somehow, involve some form of romance or other…intimate things. Pondering this Kanda could feel a headache coming on.

Said headache got progressively worse as he stalked from his room to the Order's Weaponry for a practice sword (_"Without Yuu I'm nothing. Without Yuu I'm nothing at all"_) and then from there to his personal training area (_"Is it Yuu inside my head? Is it Yuu inside who says that I become someone else?"_). These days he would normally have gone to the public training area, where he could pulverize Allen, who was a terrible swordfighter, in a katana match. Today, however, he did not want to have to block out the incredulous and/or amused looks of people as he attempted to train. In fact, he did not even want to train; he wanted to take out his anger on an inanimate object so extremely that it would be thoroughly destroyed. For even as Lavi was shadowing his every step singing _"I refuse to let Yuu go. I can't get right. I can't get it right since I met Yuu," _Kanda realized that Lavi was an excellent exorcist and that killing him would only make his life more unpleasant (difficult as that may have been to accept at the moment).

Kanda had a reason for training with a blindfold. He knew that obscuring one sense would force the other four to take over. This would improve the other four senses and thus his fighting skills. In theory. In practice this was made far more difficult by the presence of one's so-called _nakama _effectively obscuring a second sense and one's thoughts. He was halfway through demolishing the remains of one of Komui's infernal robots, when he finally gave up Lavi's silent treatment. He had noticed (despite his attempts not to. An improved sense of hearing did that to a person) that Lavi's songs had been getting progressively more lascivious. Lavi had just hip-swayed (Kanda observed with dismay as he yanked his blindfold off) himself through the line _"Beautiful boys on a beautiful dance floor, Michael you're dancing like a beautiful dance whore…"_ when Kanda had whirled around and yelled: "What is this? What does this song even have to do with me? It's about some guy named Michael!"

Lavi paused mid-song (and sway), but the feral grin that was rapidly taking over his face told Kanda that he had phrased that intervention incorrectly.

"Well, I do admit this one may be a stretch," conceded Lavi, grinning like a cat, "but your part is in the background of the chorus you so rudely interrupted just now."

Kanda did not know (and did not want to know) what Lavi was talking about, but Lavi, ever the thoughtful one, explained it to him.

"You see, Yuu-chan," Kanda winced slightly at the return of the Accursed Nickname, "I'm only one person, so I couldn't sing what the background singers were singing, or else the song wouldn't have made sense."

Kanda wondered how someone who had been singing random songs all day for no good reason managed to convincingly make _him_ sound like a moron.

"But what the background singers are singing, Yuu-chan," continued Lavi, "sounds suspiciously like _'Hey Yuu! Hey Yuu!'_' Seriously, cross my heart, Yuu-chan."

Kanda would not have believed him if he had sworn upon his precious Innocence, books and weakness for older women, but it did not matter as Lavi had already resumed his song. So, head throbbing, Kanda returned to hacking away blindly at Komurin IV (and doing a surprisingly good job of it, considering), accompanied by Lavi's dulcet tune.

"_This is what I am, I am a man, so come and dance with me Michael…"_

* * *

With lunch came a brief reprieve from the torture. Lavi's voice had cracked and he'd been forced to cut himself off in the middle of a song (_"Yuu told me Yuu wanted to eat up my sadness, well jump on, enjoy, Yuu can gorge away"_) to drink about five liters of water. Kanda had been tempted to ask why he didn't just give up now, but he feared the return of that cat-like, evil grin, that had appeared during his "training" (Komurin IV was now naught but a few scraps of metal twisted in ways Komui had not known it would twist). Instead he simply reveled in the silence, taking as much time as possible to eat his food in the small hope that Lavi would continue drinking until he had finished his meal.

The silence did not last long. Observing that Lavi had stopped singing, Lenalee and Allen had strolled over to their table, hoping to figure out what was going on (they were both far too curious to keep to the tacit agreement they had made over breakfast). Lavi was happy to oblige, between glasses of water. A rather stunned silence followed his explanation in which Kanda was happy that Lenalee and Allen seemed to find the whole ordeal as insane as he did. He was sure that the combined efforts of Allen and Lenalee would be enough to get Lavi to stop this madness. Then Lenalee opened her mouth and effectively dashed all his hopes.

"That is just so sweet Lavi!" she cooed. "But were you only able to find songs about Kanda?"

"Yeah, that was the amazing thing," said Lavi, pausing to down another jug of water, "after I discovered the first few ones about Yuu-chan I looked around for you guys and myself as well, but it seems that Yuu-chan here is the one who leaves lasting impressions."

Kanda truly marveled at Lavi's determination. He knew that Lavi knew that every word he was saying was complete and utter bullshit, but he never dropped the innocent act (which was, Kanda had to admit, quite impressive).

"Actually," he was now saying, "I did manage to find one song about me, but I don't think they actually remembered me very well. They kept going on about 'Lavi in pink,' which would naturally clash horrifically with my hair. Then again, they were French, and the French have always had a slightly different fashion sense. Well, that probably explains it."

Allen and Lenalee were nodding in agreement as if Lavi's words were not those of a raving lunatic. Kanda sighed, the sound of a weary prisoner with no remaining hope for freedom, and put down his chopsticks. Somehow (Kanda certainly had no idea) Lenalee and Allen managed to misinterpret the sigh for one of affection.

"Oh, Lavi," sighed Lenalee, gazing happily at Kanda, "it's working!" Immediately Lavi's face lit up once more and he resumed his singing.

"_I, I still remember how Yuu looked that afternoon, and there was only Yuu."_

Kanda gave Allen and Lenalee one final look of disgust, but both of them were too enthralled by Lavi's alleged goodness to notice. Kanda scowled and then exited the cafeteria as swiftly as he could.

* * *

By the time dinner rolled around all of the Order knew that Lavi had spent the entire day serenading (not Kanda's choice of word) Kanda. This meant that Kanda was not able to sneak into the cafeteria and choose a dark corner to sit in while Lavi continued his mortification. Not that he didn't try of course, but the moment he walked through the most infrequently used entry to the cafeteria, Lavi in tow happily singing: _"In the morning you know Yuu won't remember a thing"_ (Kanda couldn't help but wish that the universe were so kind), he felt hundreds of eyes latch on to them. The eyes followed them silently as they made their way to the food counter (_"Why did Yuu feel bad? Why didn't Yuu say something to me?"_) and then from there to Kanda's chosen dark and desolate corner (_"Yuu and me. We used to be together. Every day together. Always"_). The moment they sat down, however, the eyes began to move as their owners "subtly" moved to sit closer to the action. Lavi was thoroughly enjoying all the attention and began to perform all his songs on top of the dinner table, enthusiastic movements, "audience" participation and all.

"_Well, do ya, do ya, do ya wanna,"_ he was singing at two members of the Science department, _well do ya, do ya, do ya wanna, wanna go where I never let Yuu before." _He threw in a wink and the two (much older, Kanda noted) _men _couldn't help but blush. Kanda was agonizingly aware of the rumors this day was going to produce. He downed some more water in the futile hope that it would make his severely worsening headache disappear.

"_Well he's a friend and we're so proud of Yuu, your famous friend well I blew him before Yuu, oh yeah."_

Kanda cringed. No amount of water, paracetamol, or even freaking morphine could take the edge off the mortification of having to sit through those lyrics. Where had Lavi even found these songs? Kanda was fairly sure that it had not been Bookman who had taught them to Lavi. Hell, Kanda was fairly sure that it had not been Bookman who had taught Lavi any of the vast variety of things he had used to torture Kanda over the years (although, quite frankly, this was by far the worst).

Lavi finished the song and the crowd cheered. Kanda pondered the likelihood of Lavi noticing him if he left right now. He came to the conclusion that no matter how drunk Lavi was on the attention right now he would still find a way of following Kanda around. This thought depressed him utterly and was therefore banished from his mind until later wallowing. Meanwhile, Lavi had begun another ballad and the crowd cheered once again as he switched to the chorus.

"_When everything's made to be broken, I just want Yuu to know who I am."_

Kanda rolled his eyes at the irony of the lyrics, because, honestly, sometimes he felt like he was the only one who knew that Lavi was lying through his teeth every time he put on a cheerful smile (although Kanda had to admit that ever since they'd returned from Japan Lavi's smiles had seemed to hold more truth to them). He simultaneously attempted to ignore the fact that Lavi was gripping his shirt in a rather melodramatic fashion as he sang. Dinner continued with one more ballad (_"Can't get my head around Yuu, can't bear to be without Yuu, can't stop from thinking 'bout Yuu, you turn my life around"_), one song which Kanda suspected Lavi simply liked for its homicidal (and psychopathic) nature (_"I can't decide whether Yuu should live or die, oh Yuu'll probably go to heaven, please don't hang your head and cry"_) and one song which was quite simply weird (_"Damn I think I love Yuu! Baby I need Yuu! Let's set up a blind date tonight, yeah_). Kanda tried to leave the moment dinner was over, but the crowd wouldn't let him. They had figured out that if Kanda left their entertainment would too, so the moment Kanda rose to leave the cafeteria, two of the largest finders Kanda had ever seen in his life suddenly appeared out of nowhere and pushed him back into his seat. Never had Kanda mourned the absence of Mugen more than now, as there was no way for him to escape without it. Lavi threw him a quick, apologetic smile (Kanda had no idea why, he knew for a fact that Lavi did not actually feel apologetic in the slightest) before continuing his concert with more increasingly disturbing songs.

"_And Yuu stood at your door with your hands on my waist and Yuu kissed me like Yuu meant it." _Upon hearing that Kanda decided that he was now well and truly fed up with the public humiliation. Somehow he managed to fight off the two giant finders and he practically ran to the exit. It took a few seconds for Lavi to extricate himself from the group (although he did manage to keep singing), but soon enough he had caught up with Kanda, whose only plan at this point was to get the hell away from the mob.

"_Baby I'm too lost in Yuu, caught in Yuu, lost in everything about Yuu."_

* * *

Kanda was seething. Was there no way he could get rid of this damned Lavi? He considered his options. Anywhere 'public' within the Order was out, the village just beyond the Order was out, his room was definitely out.

"_When I wake up, yeah I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to Yuu."_

His headache was decidedly worse and because meditation was also out Kanda decided that the next best method of attempted relaxation would be a bath. Immediately he swerved around and began to make his way towards the Order's public baths. Although Lavi did not stop singing (_"Here I go, so dishonestly, leave a note, for Yuu my only one. And I know Yuu can see right through me, so let me go and Yuu will find someone"_), he seemed to catch on to what Kanda was planning and Kanda once again saw the reappearance of what he had inwardly dubbed Lavi's 'Creepy-Ass Lech Smile.'

The baths, although public, were mercifully empty. The first few minutes had been almost relaxing for Kanda as he let the hot water dissipate some of the tension that had built up in his body throughout the day. Lavi, perhaps realizing the necessity for Kanda to relax, had chosen to swim around in the Order's Olympic pool sized bath while singing softly (_"Bring it back to where we were before, I can't remind Yuu all the time"_). Apparently, though, he felt that five minutes of relaxation time was enough to prevent any near-future homicides, as after just about that much time he halted his swimming and instead approached Kanda. Kanda, sensing his approach (and noting the steadily rising volume of the singing), had opened his eyes warily, only to find that Lavi was just about to latch himself onto his arm while singing: _"I can see Yuu, but I can never reach Yuu."_

Immediately he pulled his arm away, yelling: "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

This time, however, Lavi would not be interrupted by Kanda's outburst and he merely began a new song, with a terribly amused (and somewhat licentious) grin on his face.

"_Oh baby don't Yuu know I suffer. Oh baby can Yuu hear me moan? Yuu caught me under false pretences, how long before Yuu let me go?"_

Kanda attempted mentally to blame the next few moments of severe blushing on the heat emanating from the bath. Unfortunately, he knew (and, judging by the wicked grin on his face, Lavi knew) that that was a lie. The entire situation had finally gotten to Kanda. Here they both were, practically stark-naked in a very hot bathtub, with Lavi singing some very dubious sounding lyrics 'about' him while also sauntering (despite the fact that he was in a, albeit very large, bathtub) ever closer to Kanda. It was enough to make anyone (except perhaps, Kanda thought vaguely, Cross Marian) blush.

Kanda decided right there and then that the bath's soothing properties had become useless and so he stood up, grabbed his towel and rushed towards the changing room, using Lavi's few seconds of lag time to lock him out. Lavi was not to be deterred though, and with unwavering energy he waited outside the changing room, singing all the while.

"_Take me, don't leave me. Baby, love will come through, it's just waiting for Yuu."_

* * *

Kanda was at a loss for what to do now. Despite half running away after letting Lavi into the changing room, the damned moron had still managed to catch up to him and was making sure that the entire Order knew exactly where they were by singing as loudly as he could.

"_Love is all that I can give to Yuu. Love is more than just a game for two."_

How Kanda wanted to smash his face into a brick wall.

"_Two in love can make it, take my heart and please don't break it. Love was made for me and Yuu."_

It was now just a little after nine pm and, even though Kanda was sure to move rapidly and not stand still for lengthy periods of time, they had gathered quite a crowd of followers. Kanda sighed. It had been just about fifteen hours since Lavi had begun his singing and Kanda was so unbelievably far beyond humiliation. He was also exhausted and his feet (not to mention his head) were in pain, so, figuring that nothing Lavi sang at this point could make him feel any worse than he already did, he decided to make his way back to the cafeteria and grant the Order its evening entertainment. Maybe he'd get lucky and fall asleep.

They arrived at the cafeteria just as Lavi was about to reach the climax of some sappy love song. He immediately ran to a central table, jumping nimbly on to it. The crowd went wild and Lavi wailed at the top of his voice: _"Come what may. Come what may. I will love Yuu until my dying day."_

And so it continued. Lavi's energy never wavered, nor did the enraptured audience's attention. Around ten Kanda's eyes started to droop and by ten fifteen he would have been asleep had Lavi not at that point grabbed him and sung, his own face perilously close to Kanda's: _"Come on let me hold Yuu, touch Yuu, feel Yuu, always. Kiss Yuu, taste Yuu, all night, always."_ Kanda had gruffly detached himself from Lavi and sat back down, wondering why no one in the crowd was as disturbed by Lavi's choice of music as he was.

By eleven people were starting to get tired and Lavi had toned down the energy a bit. He had, at some point, attempted to hug Kanda while singing: _"You look like Yuu did before, only prettier. Every day I love Yuu more."_ Once again Kanda had removed himself from Lavi's clutches, pondering incredulously the apparent obliviousness of the spellbound audience.

Lavi had refused to let the energy die, however. He had half stripped to one song (_"Never know how much I love Yuu Never know how much I care. When Yuu put your arms around me, I give Yuu fever that's so hard to bear"_), much to the obvious delight of the women (and, rather unsettlingly, some men) in the crowd and had then proceeded to drag Kanda onto his stage (table) and forced him, with little success, to dance along to some horrendous song (_"I just can't get Yuu out of my head, boy your lovin' is all I think about."_). Kanda had just managed to crawl off the table, deciding that he had just about had enough and was going to lock himself in his room, when Lavi had once again pulled him far too close for his liking, to which the crowd cheered (It seemed that they had been revitalized by Lavi's last few songs), and sung some crap about not wanting _"nothing at all, if it ain't Yuu, baby, if I ain't got Yuu, baby."_

This had gone on until just before midnight, when Lavi announced: "Well everyone, it's almost midnight, so this will be my last song for Yuu-chan." The crowd deflated. Kanda scoffed. Obviously they did not understand the pain of having someone sing to them for nearly eighteen hours straight. Caught up in the silent joy of the imminent ending to his ordeal, Kanda failed to notice that everyone in the cafeteria was currently staring at him. It was only Lenalee's not-so-quiet cough that managed to bring the room's gazes to his attention. Eighteen hours of torment were placed in the glare he sent them all and not even Lavi was able to suppress his shudder, but they held their ground. Obviously they were anticipating something.

"What?" snapped Kanda, hoping that they would be dissuaded from demanding whatever it was they expected of him by the tone of his voice. They weren't.

"Well, this is Lavi's last song…," began Komui, who was apparently the room's representative, "and he has been doing all this for you, Kanda."

Kanda raised a single, tired eyebrow. He did not have the energy to argue that point, despite the fact that he knew it was entirely false.

Komui continued, undeterred: "So, we thought, well, we expected that you would want to… say thank you. Or something."

Kanda was about to reply to Komui in a manner that would have been entirely inappropriate in most circles of society, when Lavi interrupted.

"Don't worry about it guys," he said, his voice cracking slightly, "just let me finish before we get into thank yous and whatnot."

Appeased for the time being, the crowd listened to Lavi's final song and emitted a collective "aww" when they heard: _"I want to thank Yuu, for giving me the best day of my life."_ It was a sweet and simple song and by the end of it everyone was swaying along to the gentle rhythm. Well, everyone minus Kanda. Lavi threw him one last, sickening gaze as he sang the final line: _"Oh, just to be with Yuu, is having the best day of my life,"_ and then it was over. Finally.

Lavi bowed to rapturous applause which continued for a few minutes until the Order seemed to unanimously decide that they no longer cared for anything other than sleep and hastily took off to their beds. Just as midnight struck, Lavi and Kanda were left alone.

Hands on his hips, self-satisfied smirk on his face, Lavi turned to Kanda.

"Well, that's that," he said cheerfully.

Kanda glowered in return.

"What'd ya think, Yuu-chan?" he continued, smiling as if nothing but positive feedback could possibly be forthcoming.

Something snapped inside of Kanda. Passive aggression had been the only way to get through the day, but the day was over. Kanda may not have had Mugen or the option of terminating Lavi's life in a most violent and bloody manner at his disposal, but Kanda could be surprisingly resourceful when necessary and tonight he drew upon his most desperate measure: speech.

"Lavi," he began calmly, "it took me four years to attain even a basic capability for English conversation and the level of fluency in the English language that I have currently acquired is merely the result of years of living within these Anglophone environs. It took me three years alone to be able to differentiate between the r and l sounds."

Lavi nodded enthusiastically, although his expression belied the fact that he had no idea where Kanda was going with this speech, but was slightly scared of the possibilities.

Kanda continued, undeterred: "Three years, Lavi, is a long time and I am by no means infallible when it comes to English sounds, especially when I am...perturbed.

Lavi nodded again and briefly noted that for all Yuu's derogatory remarks on his language skills, his vocabulary and pronunciation were surprisingly impressive.

"But even I, Lavi," Kanda's voice was now raising ever so slightly with every word, "even I could tell that not a single one of those songs was written for me, about me, or even in my name!"

Lavi now knew where Kanda was going and began to grin sheepishly.

"Even I knew that _each_ and _every_ time you said my name in one of those songs, you were merely making use of the fact that my name is practically homophonic to the English word 'you.'"

During the course of his speech Kanda had slowly backed Lavi into the wall. He now grabbed Lavi's shirt and began to yell.

"So I'll tell you what I thought, Lavi! I thought that there wasn't possibly a worse plan you could have come up with. There was not a more thorough or painful torture that you could have put me through!"

Lavi flinched at the invasion of his personal space (just because it wasn't as insanely huge as Kanda's didn't mean it did not exist at all) by Kanda's rage.

"And do you want to know what the absolute worst part of today was, Lavi?" hissed Kanda, lowering his voice to reasonable tones once more.

Lavi nodded, because, despite everything, he was curious by nature. That and Kanda's reaction was even better than he had hoped for, although at the moment it was rather petrifying.

"The absolute worst part of this entire dismal day is that you actually pulled it off!"

This surprised Lavi so much that he didn't even notice that Kanda had let him go and was now pacing in front of him, ranting at the room.

"You can sing! You can actually bloody sing. You've got the best damn voice I've ever heard! I can't believe it! You didn't even manage to embarrass yourself while humiliating me."

The shock wore off and Lavi grinned widely. Oh, this was good. This was just too good.

"Well, of course, Yuu-chan," he said, interrupting Kanda mid-rant and sidling up beside him, "there'd have been no point in serenading you if I couldn't at least do it properly."

Kanda glared at him. "Leave me alone. I'm going to bed," he snapped and stalked off in the direction of his room.

Lavi smiled. The day had been more successful than he ever could have hoped for. His smile only widened when he considered what would most probably be coming next.

"See ya soon, Yuu-chan," he whispered before silently making his way towards his own room.

* * *

Silence.

Oh, how Kanda loved the silence. He was reveling it, yet for all his joy at the quiet he was unable to fall asleep. He began to notice for the first time how unsilent silence actually was. He could hear the soft breeze outside, the faint rustle of leaves, the distant hum of one of Komui's semi-lethal machines.

Soon Kanda began to realize that the silence was not at all comforting, but quite simply eerie. The unfortunate consequence of this new knowledge was that he knew he would not be able to fall asleep. He also knew that there was only one solution.

He swore. Then he slipped out of bed.

Lavi had not gone to sleep. He had sat on his bed, in his pajamas, reading. Reading and waiting. When the knock finally came he afforded himself only a small smile before disentangling himself from his reading position to open the door.

Kanda looked extremely unhappy to be there, which, knowing Kanda as well as he did, Lavi could understand. He also understood that the innocent act he'd been putting on all day would not be wise. Instead, he simply stepped aside, allowing Kanda the space to drag himself, his pillow and his blanket through the door.

"I'll take the couch," he said and Lavi nodded. He watched with faint amusement as Kanda settled onto the couch, curling up in an almost feline manner and wrapping himself completely in his blanket.

"Well then, Yuu-chan," he said when it was clear that Kanda was as comfortable as he was going to get, "what kind of lullaby would you like?"

From deep within the confines of his couch Lavi heard a muffled "whatever. Anything."

He grinned again and made his way to his own bed.

Although Lavi could not see it, Kanda was certain that Lavi was aware of the small smile of peace on his face as he began to sing.

"_I've found a way to make Yuu, I've found a way, a way to make Yuu smile."_

* * *

Congratulations! You just read over 7,400 words of crack based on a very bad pun! I hope you feel I didn't waste your time too much.

And, just in case you were wondering, every single song that appears in this story (even the one in the title and the one Lavi mentions about himself) are real songs. Also, all of them (with very few exceptions) are songs that I like very much/have liked very much at some point in time myself.

Yeah, not entirely sure what that says about my taste in music, but whatever!

Thank you for reading!


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